2002-05-29 - 10:26 p.m.
The heat was pressing in around me,
and I couldn't breath.
Noise upon noise beat at my ears,
echoing through my pounding head.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to scream,
to release my anger
my frustration.
But, I continued to smile,
that phony plastic smile.
Polite remarks rained from my lips,
falling on deaf ears.
I would not give in.
But, still my body ached.
My mind reeled with exhaustion.
Still I longed to sit and cry.
"This is my life",
I couldn't help but tell myself.
Then, he was there.
My long-forgotten childhood love,
smiling his perfect, crooked smile.
I looked at him, and it all came rushing back.
My body was filled with that special warmth,
His Fire I used to call it.
I felt so lightheaded,
and I smiled a genuine smile,
the shy smile I've only shown to him.
Our exchange was short and friendly,
but my heart skipped at the sound of his magical voice.
Then, just as quickly as he'd appeared,
he was gone.
Once again, his light walked out of my life,
and I just stood there, powerless to stop it.
My eyes stung with unshed tears.
Tears for what would never be,
what had never been.
I hadn't seen him in years.
I hadn't wanted to see him in years,
but at that moment I wanted to run after him,
to tell him everything I'd never dared
to tell him that I'd loved him
But, I couldn't.
I just couldn't.
So, I smiled my plastic smile.
And when they'd all gone,
I sat alone
and cried.
